Why Didn’t Amma’s Embrace Feel More Special?

I was incredibly lucky to have Amma’s darshan at her ashram in Kerala.

Amma is a nickname for the living guru Amritanandamayi Ma, whose ashram, Amritapuri, is situated in the south of Kerala’s backwaters. Every local I spoke to in the backwaters knew Amritapuri, and our rickshaw driver even said he was going there that weekend.

She is one of the most well-known living gurus in India, and some people believe she is an incarnation of Krishna. She has done so much charity work for the country, but she is most famous for her hugs.

Yes, hugs. She embraces her devotees. She used to spend all night hugging those who stayed at her ashram.

One of the main aims of my India trip was to see her there. She is in her 70s, so I felt she might not be around for much longer if I didn’t visit now.

And I was so lucky to see her and receive her embrace. I only stayed for two nights, and she was there only on the first night. On that night, only foreign guests who had arrived that day were granted darshan (an audience with a holy person).

After waiting for a few hours in the queue, and after clearing security and leaving our mobile phones and other belongings at the desk, we were invited onto the stage where Amma was seated. She was surrounded by cameras and many people who worked for her, and my darshan lasted less than half a minute.

She took me into her embrace, said something in Sanskrit (a mantra?), and gave me prasad—sweets and holy ash. And just like that, my turn was over. I distinctly remember her deep voice.

The American girl next to me said she had already had Amma’s darshan three times (she was staying at the ashram for months), and spoke about how wonderful they were.

But to be completely honest, although it was an experience I cherish, I didn’t have any overwhelming feelings or awakening. I remember my friend Karen, who visited over ten years ago, said the same.

Perhaps we had very high expectations—wanting a guru to completely transform us. And of course, it doesn’t usually happen like that.

Although we occasionally hear stories of instant spiritual awakening through grace, for most of us that isn’t the case. Otherwise, why are there so many spiritual seekers in India and all over the world? Spiritual awakening is usually a gradual process—through yoga, meditation, service, and faith.

My friend Karen and I had already been on the path for a long time. We understand that divinity is everywhere, including within ourselves.

Perhaps darshan with Amma, for us, was a quiet confirmation that we are on the right track. Her embrace felt like a welcome—an affirmation of the path we are already walking.

Amma is Krishna (God, Shiva, the Universe, Brahman—call it what you like) in human form, so her embrace is the embrace of the Divine. But Krishna, that Divine Light, is with us all the time—we are always held within it.

Amma’s darshan, then, is simply a reminder—a living expression—of the love that is always there.